"The Goonies" Ending Sucks So Bad

Two MAJOR Issues With The Ending Of “The Goonies”

Jun 18, 2022

I love “The Goonies”. It’s pretty much the perfect 80’s family movie in every way. PRETTY MUCH. However, the last 10 minutes of this 1985 Richard Donner film leave a lot to be desired and frankly, I am rather disgusted with it. Let’s take a hard look at two MAJOR issues with the ending of this so called “classic”, shall we?

First thing’s first, what is the freaking deal with “Chunk” not only befriending “Sloth” in a matter of minutes but by the end of the movie, informing this hideously deformed creature that he was going to “live with him for now on”? Oh really? Tell me something, “Chunk” (if that is your real name), did you even think to ask your parents if this was okay with them? Did you?? No, I highly doubt you did. Secondly, does “Sloth” (also a highly suspect name) even have a choice in the matter? How do you know if “Sloth” really wants to go and live with you? He’s only known you for maybe 45 minutes and now he has to spend the rest of his life living with a tubby creep like you? “Chunk” doesn’t exactly appear to be an ideal roommate, what with his gluttonous eating habits and obvious self-esteem issues (he barely even puts up a fight when asked to do the “truffle shuffle” earlier in the movie, solely for the amusement of his friends). Lastly, has “Chunk” even considered the staggering level of commitment he just made to this complete stranger? “Sloth” certainly doesn't seem to have any marketable skills other than jumping rope and picking up somewhat heavy objects so good luck having him contribute to the household. Long story short, this part of the movie is highly implausible and (dare I say) offensive to the viewer.

The other major issue I have with the ending of this movie is pretty damn obvious to anyone with more than a 3rd grade education. How do any of these people have ANY clue what those rubies or whatever are worth? They sure do look like they’re made out of plastic to me. But everyone in the scene appears to believe they must have a few million dollars worth of crappy jewels in that little bag. Plus, that’s not even their money, they STOLE it from “One Eyed Willy”. If anything, they should find out who Willy’s descendants are and give them this supposed treasure. And not for nothing, but what the frick was a 16th century pirate doing off the coast of Oregon?? Was he fricking lost? Oh, and why would that housekeeper who couldn’t even speak English and only started working for Mikey’s family THAT DAY want to help out his family so bad? Shame on YOU, screenwriter Chris Columbus, for deciding to just throw away the ending of such a fine film. He’s lucky he also wrote “Gremlins” or he’d really be on my list, the schmuck.